Was A Sheng in Fate Chooses You (佳偶天成) Born Unloved? A desperate need for safety and affection drives her every move. In the drama Fate Chooses You, the bond between Xin Mei and her junior sister A Sheng seems sweet at first. Xin Mei (辛湄) calls A Sheng (阿笙) “obedient and well-behaved.” But to their master Xin Xiong and everyone else, A Sheng is a hot-headed troublemaker. She picks fights easily, uses tricky moves, and keeps a cold face toward all except Xin Mei. As the story unfolds, her past comes to light. A Sheng is the daughter of Xia Xuanzi, an evil cultivator from North Xiang (襄).
Among many children fathered by Xia Xuanzi (夏玄子), she was abused by her half-brothers from childhood. She escaped near death, and Xin Mei found her and brought her back to the sect. Since then, she has lived a stable life, but the shadow of her early years never left. Only by staying close to her senior sister does she feel safe. Later, when Xin Mei travels away for a long time, A Sheng grows so restless that she ignores her master’s orders and goes out to search for her. From a psychological view, A Sheng is a person deeply starved of love. Below are three common signs of such a condition, shown fully in her story.
Unloved Childhood
A Sheng was not born out of love. Xia Xuanzi wanted sons to expand his power. He took newborn boys away and trained them into loyal warriors. A Sheng, as a daughter, had little use to him. She was bullied from a young age and even used as a test subject by other children. Her father never protected her or showed any care. He simply ignored her existence. This kind of neglect leaves deep wounds. Some children grow up with parents who are physically present but mentally absent. Those parents work hard to survive and have no energy left to give attention or warmth. The child feels invisible, like an extra object in the house, not a person who matters.
When a child is not valued, she learns to see herself as worthless. She never hears words of praise or feels a comforting hug. A Sheng’s childhood had no safe adult to turn to. Every day brought fear and pain. She had to fight alone or hide. That is why she ran away as soon as she could. Even after being rescued, the old feeling of being unwanted stayed inside her. She cannot simply erase those early years. They shaped how she views herself and the world. Many adults who lacked love as children carry the same burden. They feel they do not deserve kindness or that they are always a burden to others.
These people often become overly sensitive and shy. They apologize too much. They believe they have to earn love by being perfect or by pleasing everyone. A Sheng does not show this as shyness but as a fierce protectiveness of the one person who saved her. She pushes everyone else away because she expects rejection. Her harsh exterior hides a deep fear that no one else would ever choose her. That is the mark of an unloved childhood: you stop hoping for love from most people, and you cling desperately to the few who show any sign of care.
Fearful Clinging
A person starved of love fears being alone more than anything. Whoever shows a little kindness becomes their whole world. A small gesture—a few warm words, a moment of patience—can make them give their entire heart in return. They pour out all their warmth and effort, terrified of not being good enough. A Sheng shows this clearly with Xin Mei. When her senior sister leaves for an errand, A Sheng asks the master repeatedly when she will come back. Learning that Xin Mei might be delayed, she sets out on a dangerous journey just to find her. This is not simple loyalty. It is panic at the thought of being left alone.
During her search, A Sheng travels to North Xiang. She sees the crows that her father Xia Xuanzi uses to spy on people. The old fear rushes back. That night she has a nightmare about her childhood torment. In the dream, Xin Mei appears, and A Sheng immediately runs toward her for protection. She believes that as long as she stands beside her senior sister, no harm can reach her. This belief does not fade even when A Sheng grows stronger in martial skills than Xin Mei. If anything, the dependence deepens over time. It is not about physical power. It is about emotional survival. Xin Mei represents the first safe person in A Sheng’s life, and the idea of losing that safety is unbearable.
This kind of clinging can look sweet from the outside, but it brings constant anxiety. The person is always afraid that the one they depend on will leave. They need repeated reassurance. They may check messages obsessively or follow the other person everywhere. A Sheng does exactly that—she leaves the sect without permission, risking punishment, because the silence from Xin Mei feels like abandonment. For a love-starved person, being alone is not just uncomfortable; it feels like dying. They would rather face physical danger than face an empty room. Their whole sense of security is borrowed from another person, and that borrowing never feels stable.
Fleeting Bonds
When someone leaves a love-starved person, they break down in tears. But if a new person comes along who is willing to stay, they can quickly forget the old pain. This is not fickleness. It is desperation. They need someone—anyone—to fill the hollow space inside. They need a person to talk to when lonely, to comfort them when sad. A Sheng has not yet shown this pattern in the drama, but her background sets the stage for it. She latched onto Xin Mei because Xin Mei saved her life. If Xin Mei were gone forever, A Sheng would likely seek another anchor, possibly someone less kind or trustworthy.
People like A Sheng look for a spiritual anchor to hold their overflowing emotions. Inside them lives a child who desperately wants to be valued, affirmed, and kept safe. That child never grew up. So they keep searching outside themselves for what they never received. They jump from one relationship to another, not because they are shallow, but because they are terrified of being empty. They would rather settle for poor treatment than be alone. The feeling of being needed—even if it comes with conditions or hurt—feels better than silence. This is a trap. External love is often unstable. It can come with strings attached. It can wound them further.
For A Sheng, her dependence on Xin Mei is heavy but so far mutual and kind. Not everyone is that lucky. Many love-starved people attract users or abusers because they give too much too fast and never set boundaries. They mistake attention for affection, and presence for safety. The cycle repeats: they attach, they lose, they grieve, they attach again. Breaking this cycle requires something hard. It requires learning to be the parent you never had. A Sheng is still on her journey. Her story reminds us that being starved of love is not a crime, nor proof of being unworthy. But healing cannot come from clinging to others forever. It has to start from inside. Only when a person learns to give herself the love she missed can she stop running after shadows.